Confusions of a Dangerous Mind

This Blog is Moving

2009-11-17T11:36:00.002+05:30

This blog is moving to Wordpress.
All the posts and comments have been moved.
Please update your links:
http://nissimnabar.wordpress.com

Sing for the moment

2009-10-01T23:54:00.004+05:30

She had been tired and unwell and upset that weekend two years ago. Then on Monday, he asked her a question she had not at all expected. Don't think Eminem was telling him "If you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it or let it slip?"

He felt at peace after a long time. She went home, he sat at the library he ran on campus with some friends.

Reminder...

2009-09-30T21:49:00.001+05:30

Every once in a while, something happens that reminds you of what is well and truly important.

Thoughts from an alumnus

2009-09-23T02:45:00.004+05:30

Harsha Bhogle, famous cricket commentator and quizmaster on ESPN, is an alumnus of IIM Ahmedabad. Recently saw a video of his, of a talk he gave in the auditorium on campus.

Had many wonderful thoughts: why live life like its a 100 m race? Why get into a job thinking about exit options and early retirements?
He says, "If you choose your first job based on the salary it offers, you might be making a mistake. Choose a career, that is what you came to (or should ideally come to) IIMA for." Maybe someday, when the day zero fever subsides and the media stops blaring the crore-plus salaries, maybe then some of us might get some of this perspective.
To end the talk he recited 4 lines of his (and my) favourite Urdu poetry:

"ख़ुद ही को कर बुलंद इतना
की हर तकदीर से पहले ,
खुदा बन्दे से ख़ुद पूछे,
बता तेरी रज़ा क्या है?"

Teachers' Day - a long overdue thank you note.

2009-09-05T19:40:00.006+05:30

I've been a student all my life and teachers have played a very important role in my life. Right from the ones in KG (which I sadly have not much recollection of) to the ones at IIMA, they have shaped the person I am and I will be.

This blog is for all the teachers who I have not been able to thank in person: I will be ever grateful for your guidance. The foundation you laid has helped me get to where I have got, in the way I have got there.

To my teachers in KG - Chincholkar teacher and the others, who taught me the absolute basics (literally the ABC), who made sure I never had stage fright- thank you. I cannot imagine the effort and patience you must have had to handle the number of rambunctious kids that you did.

To my teachers in primary school: who made sure I got talking in English, the ones that made me write fast and in good handwriting, the ones that supported my fascination for astronomy, the ones that encouraged me to participate in many extracurricular activities; thank you. They gave me an excellent base in English and Mathematics (what you taught me was extremely useful in the CAT). Nisha teacher, Rajput teacher, Anuvi teacher, Seetha teacher, Radha madam, Jaya madam- thanks for your teaching. I still aim for the sky; sometimes get there but atleast reach the top of the tree.

To my teachers in secondary school - too numerous to name; you made a wonderful impression on my mind. When a teacher who taught you 3 years ago says, "Nissim, your problem is that you take the languages for granted", it makes you take a good hard look at all the things you are doing wrong. Your constant encouragement was very important to me- thanks a lot for all of it.

I hope some day I get a chance to thank all of my teachers in person, but this blog is atleast a start.

A Random Walk down memory lane

2009-07-13T03:02:00.003+05:30

Read my old blogs today...should have been reading FORM.
I used to write well...the pain, the happiness it all comes through even 3 years down the line.

At some stage I should start writing again.

2009-06-28T01:36:00.001+05:30

This blog needs a revival.
Tuchchadom promises some more time but I have so many things to do outside the class that it might seem as busy as fachchadom itself.
Then again, there's hope.

2009-03-01T18:29:00.001+05:30

Just thinking about the way my life is going now...

When it rains, it pours!!

V-day for some, D-day for others.

2009-02-15T02:16:00.002+05:30

February 14th, Valentines' Day- the day of reckoning for lovers around the world.
February 14th, IIMA interviews began- day of reckoning for some.

The Perfect 10

2009-01-07T22:33:00.004+05:30

And I'm not talking about Nadia Comaneci.

Seven months ago she sent an SMS, "You were perfect today."
He did not...she has always been perfect.

2008-12-18T15:44:00.003+05:30

Came across a couple of very interesting posts on the anti-terrorist steps India should take by Prof. R. Vaidyanathan of IIMB.
Given that a nuclear war is not at all beneficial to us, screwing the already MASSIVELY screwed economy of Pakistan seems reasonable. Have no money, feed no terrorist will happen.
Here are the links:
8 things India Inc must do.

12 steps to shock and awe the Pak economy.

On a very personal note, I felt like someone got into my own home when those bastards did what they did. I've grown up seeing the very spots they hit and I'm sure anyone who grew up in Mumbai feels the same. I spent a good amount of time thinking of innovative ways to torture the one bastard who got caught. Had a discussion with Aseem on whether terrorists have religion.
His take was that religious sentiments made them do what they did and hence terrorists have religion.
I am no believer, but religion is essentially a human thing, and I refuse to accept terrorists as humans. They should not have any human rights and the bodies of the dead terrorists must be disposed of in the most disrespectful way possible. Also, make a video of the same and pass it to Al Jazeera...that should scare them all right.
India needs a strong anti-terror law, it needs good anti-terror organization and most of all it needs a Guantanamo Bay where to keep the terrorists. Maybe its time to get the Cellular Jail back to its 'infamous' glory.
The message ought to be clear..."You don't attack my home and get away with it."

2008-12-06T23:43:00.001+05:30

I spent seven biblically-lean years in the physics department.
One friend spent ten.We both got out alive.
Some didn't. It wasn't long before we had all heard the legend about
the graduate student who had shot his PhD advisor. Several years ago I
read a New York Times article about two graduate students who committed
suicide while studying in the Harvard laboratory of Nobel Prizewinner
Professor E. J. Corey. In a subsequent letter to the Sunday New
York Times magazine of December 20, 1998, Linda Logdberg of Upper
Nyack, New York, wrote in to comment on life as graduate student:

. . . Perhaps even more now than then, graduate education is an
extended adolescence during which highly intelligent young
people see their world shrink to fit the dimensions of their advisor's laboratory. . . . With their identities bound to the outcome
of the thesis project, graduate students are socialized to view
other options (teaching, industry, even changing to another type
of work altogether) with contempt.Wanting a decent wage and
meaningful work that occupies, say, only 50 hours per week are
considered signs of selling out.

From, 'My Life as a Quant' by Emanuel Derman, PhD (Physics, Columbia) who headed
Goldman Sachs' Quantitative Strategies group.

At IISc, I met a few of ppl who reacted almost violently to the idea of going on to do a mgmt degree and to
the idea of wanting to make more money. I thought I knew what they were thinking and this describes what I thought I saw perfectly.

I knew then, as I know now...

2008-10-15T23:39:00.002+05:30

A year ago, my throat sore with a horrible infection, my head spinning and stomach hurting from all the coughing, I said "I know". How wrong I was!! I didn't know anything, how my life would change, the experiences of the last year (happy and sad), decisions made and unmade and remade...the disappointments and the exultation of achievement, one thing has remained unchanged...in fact grown stronger.
My answer though, remains "I know".
And that I belonged to a stage in human evolution thats a step or two behind the rest of the world :P (this is what you call an 'inside' joke being made public).

I wonder why...

2008-09-27T15:33:00.002+05:30

Went to the library at IIMA today...to borrow books from which I need to revise for placements.
The only thing that is on anyone's mind these days...placements. maybe next week the short quizzes might take our minds off it once in a while.
Browsed books on probability and time series analysis...borrowed a couple of books.
Wondered what I was doing here...I loved these things so much. Reminded myself that this was what I wanted to do and that finance was probably my best chance of actually working on these things.
Blogging more frequently these days...maybe more on the current affairs soon.

A little break...

2008-09-22T21:03:00.002+05:30

A 3-day break from WIMWI...a hurriedly arranged, tremendously anticipated visit to Bangalore.
Wanting to fill as much in every day as we could...to meet as many people as I could.
Thesis accepted pending small corrections for the award of the MSc degree.
Had really good coffee after almost 40 days, walked at Sankey, roamed Malleshwaram.

Then something unexpected, unwanted, horrific.
Somethings change your life, your outlook towards life.
Make what is REALLY IMPORTANT very clear. This was one of them.

The Tenth Anniversary

2008-09-05T15:51:00.003+05:30

10 years ago a phenomenon was born. How I managed to be unaware of it for so long is an absolute mystery to me.
On 4th September 1998, Gunda was released. We at IIMA had a special screening of this cult movie.
Jab Gunda dikha rahe hon...toh dekhna hi padta haiii!

KFC...

2008-06-24T01:54:00.000+05:30

My plight for the last 10 days reminds me of the comment that got our US envoy into trouble:
"Running around like a headless chicken".
Haven't had much good rest all these days as I stare at the daunting task of surviving PGP-1 at IIMA.
Finishing the report...getting it printed...getting the relieving memo.
the vaccinations and hurried meeting nearest-and-dearest ones.
Being scared and tired and hurting to leave the place I have known as Home
and the place that was getting there...finally I had begun to be at home in IISc.
Next post...probably CC at IIMA.

Leaving on a Jet (Kingfisher) Plane

2008-06-20T20:33:00.003+05:30

Flew back to Mumbai from Bengalooru on a Kingfisher flight and this was the one song playing
in my mind all the way through:

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...
Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Writer's Block

2008-06-11T19:06:00.001+05:30

Been thinking will blog about something for a while...but ideas flit in and out of mind.
Haven't been able to write much...unless you count a thesis with a number of changes.

New Beginnings

2008-05-27T13:04:00.001+05:30

Started 2 new blogs:
Blogger

WordPress

Hit them!!

The Eternal Truth

2008-05-20T11:51:00.003+05:30

Hundreds of years before Billy Shakespeare wrote :
" To B or not to B":
the Great Aristotle uttered the greatest truth in the world:
"A is A".

And Ahmedabad is 53 meters (171 ft) above C level.

Converted the IIM A waitlist to confirmed admit.
YAY!!!

Results!!

2008-05-02T08:23:00.001+05:30

A: Waitlisted 13, Not much scope.
B: Reject
C: Reject
I: Admit
K: Admit
L: Reject.

:((

Don't know what went wrong . Can't figure anything out right now.

Reservations redux

2008-04-10T14:06:00.005+05:30

The Supreme Court upholds the reservations for OBCs...the timing is very interesting.
Less than a month to go for the Karnataka assembly elections, many more assembly elections to come and then the General Elections next year (unless they are held this year...Chidambaram is prepared for that possibility).

South and Reservations (rediff.com)
Read what this guy called Reuben Raj has to say:

"I got into medical college through the backward class quota. There should be reservation in the premier institutes.

The forward classes are more talented than us. You will find a lot of them in the premier institutes already. Here they score much higher marks than us. By the time I read two pages, they can read ten more pages. Their capacity to learn and understand is better than mine."
And this is why we need RESERVATIONS?? So the forward caste people who are better than them are denied while these buggers get admissions.

Nothing, absolutely nothing should cause someone with lower marks to get admissions over someone with higher marks. Reminds me repeatedly of the situation in Atlas Shrugged (referred to it in some previous post as well).

Scary...Reuben might be treating me or my family in some hospital.
As Pink Floyd said, "...Run Like Hell".

More to come as I gather more info and find more crap.

Change, anyone?

2008-03-21T11:43:00.004+05:30

Change apparently is the only constant in life.
I somehow disagree. Look at the basic question in my life.

1995-96: To B or not to B?

1997-98: To B or not to B?

2000-01: To B or not to B?

2001-02: To B or not to B?

2004-05: To B or not to B?

2005-06: To B or not to B?

In between it varied a little to : To B or to B?
or to : To BE or not to BE?

2006-07: To B or not to B?

2007-08: To B or not to B?

The B's change...the question still remains.

Breathe...

2008-03-11T23:09:00.001+05:30

Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down, its time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race toward an early grave.

Why do these words scare me everytime I hear them?
Why does my life seem like these words were written to describe it?
When is Enough well and truly ENOUGH?

Love in the form of Venn Diagram...CATegory theory

2008-03-02T12:59:00.002+05:30

By the way who or what is Vanilla ice?
Will this lead to a CATaclysmic CATastrophe?
Hope not.

Interesting link (nerd alert level 5): http://xkcd.com/

PI is not equal to 3.1415926535....

2008-03-02T12:18:00.002+05:30

Your head is spinning,
your heart is beating so hard it makes your head rock,
the guy who went in to your panel first comes out disoriented,
they ask radioactivity and SIDBI and flipflops and the migration of Jews to India and
poetry and Fundamental rights,
.
.
.
you take deep breaths and curse yourself for not revising these things,
you remind yourself that this is not Life and Death,
... but then what the hell ,
THESE ARE THE IIM INTERVIEWS.
And the cycle begins again.

Home,home again...

2008-02-03T19:15:00.000+05:30

"Let's go home" he said and she was confused. What would she tell all those people she was responsible to. "Lets go home" he told her again...and she agreed. Together they flew to the place he called home. It was the best time he had had on a flight...and he had taken many.

They roamed the streets, unaware of anything else, blissfully lost in the experience of being with each other.He showed her around though she had seen it all. He was never so proud of the place he belonged to as when he was showing it to her. He saw the smile on her face, that innocent, beautiful smile which showed how much she loved him and was loving being with him.

His home had never seemed so beautiful to him as when he saw her eyes being laid on it.
He was reminded of the beautiful last line of a long forgotten poem.
"... where your heart finds peace, call it home."

Flight report

2007-12-21T10:30:00.000+05:30

The flight report read:

35000 feet in the air,
830 km per hour,
An hour long walk in the clouds,
Missed you like hell,
Wished you were with me.

The Dark Side of the Moon

2007-11-25T20:30:00.000+05:30

NO...this is not another depressing post...in a way it is but not really.
This will depress every Bangalorean, my well-wisher or not.

The roads in Bangalore are a mess...its more like a little bit of road to sort of bridge the potholes.
Most roads are also not very well lit.
A rickshaw ride through these roads is not essentially different from a ride on a moon-buggy.
Bone-jarring, intestine-injuring rides.
Then something happened yesterday that shook me in my entirety...more on it here.

The papers screamed that a crane, in trying to avoid a pothole, ended up killing a woman.
Scary!! Very scary.

Maybe the potholes will be filled...maybe we have to wait for a new government for it.

But till then if you are coming to Bangalore (the IT capital of the country...IT = irritating Traffic)

Welcome to the Dark Side of the Moon.

2007-11-18T19:05:00.000+05:30

Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isnt that the way
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

What the hell!!!!!!!!

2007-10-29T14:14:00.000+05:30

This is Chetana's blog on emotional quotient

Took the emotional quotient test from that link:
Plz visit the above link.

This is my result:

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!

51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.

71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.

91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.

111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Confessions of a Mama's Boy

2007-10-28T16:34:00.000+05:30

You can fool all of the people some of the time,
You can fool some of the people all of the time,

...BUT,
YOU CANNOT FOOL MOM!!

Way back into love...

2007-10-24T14:38:00.000+05:30

Chetana sent me this really nice song from Music and Lyrics.
Ppl around me seem to be breaking up left, right and center...the ones that aren't breaking up are cynical and wary of the concept of love itself...they say its a sure way to hurt yourself.

Here are the lyrics...Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant singing.

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

Here's hoping people find their ways back into love and into hope.

Finding Neverland

2007-10-12T23:01:00.000+05:30

Previously this post would have been titled "Coming Back to Life"...but there have been a few of those. The ones that fool you into believing you're back and then its back to the pits.

Recently life seems to be looking up...the slope is positive and the double derivative is positive and greater than 1 too.
Atleast it isnt the decomposing, sitting-doing-nothing kind of life. Stuff seems to be moving, there is a lot to do and little time to do it in. Better than little to do and lots of time I think.
The general outlook towards life seems to be improving...seem to laugh a lot more these days.
The spring in the step is back,
and more importantly a spark in the eye, which I thought I had lost is back.
Wonder what CATalyzed the CATharsis.

Is it time I find neverland...that promised land where dreams come true?

A Room with a View...

2007-09-12T21:42:00.000+05:30

Took these photos from my hostel room on Monday evening...
This time no converting to black and white...the magic is in the colours.

Sunscreen song

2007-09-10T21:41:00.000+05:30

Chetana gave me this wonderful video....here are the lyrics.
Google for the Sunscreen song...you might find the mp3 somewhere.
Wonderful advice

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97

Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, ............
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis
more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power
and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind,
the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees.

You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.

Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body.

Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,

someday a spirit will take you and guide you there

I know that you're hurting but i've been waiting there for you

and I'll be there just helping you out

whenever I can"

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle,
because the older you get, the more you need the people
who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old.

And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young,
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble,
and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse.
But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,

someday a spirit will take you and guide you there

I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you

and I'll be there just helping you out

whenever I can

everybody's free

to feel good"

Social Not-working

2007-09-07T21:02:00.000+05:30

First there was Orkut...
Then a slew of others.
Apparently to keep in touch with old/long-lost friends.
Apparently to 'make' new friends.
Then the Brazilians and Despos took over orkut...there were infinite posts in Portuguese and as many 'fraandship' requests.
Lately there have been cases of identity thefts.

People like me got on to the bandwagon for its novelty...that has definitely worn off.
What is the use of having 500 friends if u can't really find one to speak to when you really are alone?
What is the use of having 500 'friends' when 5 really good ones should sufffice?
Bye bye Orkut and its ilk.

A fleeting glimpse...

2007-09-02T22:04:00.000+05:30

There is an image from my Mumbai visit in June end that has endured in my mind. I was walking with my mom to Shivaji park I think when we passed a boy returning home from school. He wasn’t the cutest kid …but something about him caught my fancy.

It was drizzling and he had a raincoat on with a hood. He was carrying a school bag and had a water bottle around his neck.

What caught my attention was that he had his face turned towards the drizzle. The eyes were tightly shut and there was an innocent joy on his face, looked like he hadn’t a care in the world…I tried to remember when I had done something so simple so spontaneously last. I dearly wished I had a camera with me to capture that moment forever.

The joy on his face was indescribable…I have forgotten what such simple joy is and can’t find the words to describe it.

Maybe this is what PF were hinting at when they sang

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse

out of the corner of my eyes…

He was having his glimpse of joy, a simple , guileless joy…let’s hope it is not a fleeting one.

R.I.P my friend

2007-08-27T15:10:00.000+05:30

I was shaken out of the stupor that studying stochastic processes generates by the loud crying of some girl near my hostel. As I looked out from my balcony it turned out to be someone I knew.
She was mourning the death of one of her batchmates,Ajay, who committed suicide probably in the early hours of the morning of 27th August.
I must have seen this guy in the mess, though I never probably personally met him.
The reasons are as yet unknown (atleast to me), but the general feeling is there was too much pressure in his course.
He was an Integrated PhD student in his 2nd year, he joined IISc with me last year.
He must have been barely 21-22...did he find himself unable to resist the pressure?
It is said "No pressure, no diamonds" but what about the 'corundum' that might just be crushed under the pressure that is meant for only diamonds? Is it not equally precious?
Was there some other reason? We don't know, and we might never know.
Whatever the reasons the question remains:
WAS IT WORTH KILLING HIMSELF OVER IT?

Maybe he found what he longed for:
A little rest and some peace.

The solutions may not necessarily be very forthcoming.
A lot of soul-searching needs to be done...by every one of us.
The course load on the students could be reduced, a student mentor program could be started.
But really was it worth the one, very precious, very promising life that was lost.

And this is not the first time someone in one of India's 'premier' institutions has taken this drastic step.
As Bob Dylan asks :
n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?

Maybe this song by REM could tell us something:
EVERYBODY HURTS.
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Friendship Day...

2007-08-05T21:50:00.000+05:30

Making a friend is not a miracle.
the miracle is making a friend who will stand by you when a million are against you.

One of the many Friendship Day smses I got.

I had fun too...went to Domino's ...ALONE!!
So much for Friendship Day.

A year

2007-07-26T10:21:00.000+05:30

A year ago I flew to bangalore to join IISc.
Full of hope yet pained to leave loved ones and the city I love so much.
A year ago I wrote Goodbye Blue Sky...in tribute to what I was leaving behind.

In this year some of my dreams were fulfilled, some remain yet unfulfilled and some crushed.
A year of growth, of hope, despair, frustration,excitement.

As is my common comment
so much has changed...yet so much remains the same.

Lesson for LIFE

2007-07-10T19:59:00.001+05:30

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

Deja vu??

2007-07-08T23:32:00.000+05:30

FedEx makes it five in a row at Wimbledon but it was Raphael Nadal who won my heart.

In 1980, Bjorn Borg beat an extremely talented young left-hander in 5 tight sets to win his fifth Wimbledon title.
.I’ve seen the replay of that match and the young lefthander pull off that amazing 18-16 set 4. Today’s lefthander pulled off an equally stunning 6-2 set 4.
That guy had a permanent scowl on his face, and was constantly challenging line calls.
See the parallels? Getting a sense of the déjà vu?
I’m looking forward to this rivalry and sincerely hoping Federer does not pull a Borg with respect to retirement.

Rafa is the King of Clay and might well add grass to his repertoire.

As he pulled off shot after amazing shot,

Alan Wilkins said “This is grass not clay.This is not his surface.”

Well given the improvement he is showing, it very well may become HIS surface.

How many think that its unfair that its Federer and not Sampras who equals the IceBorg’s record? Would have been such fun to see those two go at each other.

Home, home again ...

2007-07-03T09:45:00.000+05:30

I go back to Bangalore today.
Last year I put the lyrics of Goodbye Blue Sky.
This year its the Breathe reprise.

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
Its good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.

Breathe (reprise) Pink Floyd

Nothing better than the BEST...

2007-07-03T09:17:00.000+05:30

an unbelievable change in the BEST buses I saw this time...
not only can you pay your Hutch bills in the BEST bus but u can even make calls from

A MOBILE PCO!!!!

Here's photo proof.

2007-06-25T22:53:00.001+05:30

Words are beautiful things, perhaps the tongue is not the best way of using them.
- Ankur's first blog.

Walk the Talk

2007-06-23T21:54:00.000+05:30

This quote on GMail got me started thinking about this

Bobby Knight - "Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win."

So many people I see or hear from can Talk the Talk but can't Walk the Walk.

Maybe that's why Morpheus tells Neo in the Matrix:

"One day you will realize just this one fact,

There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2007-06-17T23:24:00.000+05:30

Recent events have made me wonder what this "friendship" thingie is all about.
It's not what you feel about classmates/batchmates in engineering that wears out the moment you step out of college.
It's what makes you spend a reasonable amount of money and a lot of effort to spend a few hours with a select few friends. Of course exceptions exist.(I couldn't meet everyone I wanted to meet the last, short trip).
I will still be friendly with my classmates, but with most of them I am not and was never "FRIENDS"
This quote I got on iGoogle summed it up for me wrt most of my 'friends'.

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first. - Peter Ustinov

Ankur said "Friends are the people you don't have to impress anymore."
friends are the people who have accepted your shortcomings and love you nonetheless.

These lines from the FRIENDS theme or whatever would sum up how I feel:

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me

Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst I'm best with you

To tell the truth, there's very few such people in my life...and if anything I am thankful for them.

2007-06-17T00:29:00.000+05:30

And he talks to the river of lost love and dedication
And silent replies that swirl invitation
Flow dark and troubled to an oily sea
A grim intimation of what is to be

There's an unceasing wind that blows through this night
And there's dust in my eyes, that blinds my sight
And silence that speaks so much louder that words,
Of promises broken

Sorrow ,Pink Floyd

Bittersweet Symphony

2007-06-11T14:53:00.000+05:30

Love this song by the Verve. A part of it was used in Bluffmaster.

The whole song

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to the money then you die.(True, very true)
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mould
I am here in my mould
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mould
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah (not really)
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money (somebody) then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah.

Words' worth

2007-06-05T11:05:00.000+05:30

Had posted this a few months ago...then took it off because it was adding too much entropy to the Universe.

There is a great deal of verbal communication in the world today. Letters,phone calls,emails,chats,blogs(:P)...an infinity of words.

I for one believe that the best communication involves zero or a minimal amount of words.

What a million words of commiseration could not do...a sigh and 6 words did.
It felt like an arm round the shoulder ...and all those wise men and women with their words did not realize that that was what I needed.

A few friends and a completely different topic had me laughing on the worst day of my life.

No amount of words can do what one look into the eyes of a friend trying desperately to hold back her tears did.

I went out for dinner once by myself...a couple sat on the table facing me.
The girl was trying to hold back her tears. The guy sat opposite her,not eating ...just looking into her eyes...almost soothing her...not one word was said.
I smiled.

The Grass was Greener...

2007-05-30T22:42:00.000+05:30

Met Ankur, Prasanna and Paresh this last Saturday.
Had a lot of fun...but I must admit I was also a bit sad.
There is something about meeting old friends, exchanging notes on who is doing what, gossiping(if that is what you call it)...it makes you look back at how you were when you were with them.
It was great to meet them because very rarely do you get a group of friends together that can understand precisely what I am going through...undoubtedly my closest friends.
The same jokes were back, the mimicry, the leg pulling over how sincerely I attended 12th std classes while these ppl goofed off.
It reminded me of those days 6-7 years ago...the innocent belief that if you were smart, worked hard then luck would not play a role...that doing beautiful mathematics was the purpose of life, that physics was the highest in intellectual endeavour.
Where is that cheerful belief, that innocent confidence??

It takes old friends to remind you of who you were, who you are and what you are turning into.
Maybe I can prevent the cynicism from creeping into me any further.
Maybe I can find my 'Return to Innocence'

Last September Ankur wrote this.
I can identify with the emotion...Thanks for everything guys!!

An old song that fits the mood ...
"Koi lauta de mere beete hue din".

Time.

2007-05-22T22:15:00.001+05:30

This is my life's song right now...wasting one day at a time getting nowhere.

TIME - Pink Floyd

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Coorg tripping...

2007-05-15T22:56:00.000+05:30

Kanna planned a trip for us to Coorg with stay at the Club Mahindra resort in Kodagu valley.
Amazing 3 days...LOADS of FUN!!!!!!!

Won't write much since a picture is worth a thousand words...I'll let the photos do the talking.
A few B&W pics for "effect".
For the full album visit my Picasaweb page.

The Rematch

2007-05-04T16:19:00.000+05:30

In 2005 two 'not-so-great','undeserving' English teams won the greatest prize their sport had to offer that year against 2 Champion sides:
In May Liverpool beat Milan in the Champions League final in what was called '6 minutes of madness' or something like that.
In July and August of the same year England beat Australia 2-1 in the Ashes with a lot of luck.
It pained me to see Warney and McGrath bowl their hearts out on the last day of the 5th Test as the Englishmen drudged their way to a draw and an Ashes victory.
That day I predicted they would get Whitewashed the next time they went to Australia.
The hunger was visible in the Aussies, in Warne and McGrath, in Lee and Ponting and Hayden and Gilchrist to make up for loss.
I had predicted a whitewash, a whitewash it was, Australia thr"ASHES" England.

Now Milan have a chance to get even...and a 5-0 scoreline would just ROCK!!

FORZA MILAN!!!

But it rained

2007-04-11T22:56:00.000+05:30

April 11th 2007.
It rained at night here in Bangalore.
I was reminded of some of my favourite Pink Floyd lines:

Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight...into the shining sun

Failure

2007-04-01T13:09:00.000+05:30

Used to see this ad when the NBA matches were shown on Star Sports and ESPN.
Amazing ad...by the Greatest.

Might sound familiar.

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career;
I've lost almost 300 games;
26 times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot...and MISSED.
I've failed over and over and over again in my life.
That is why...I succeed.

Watch it here:

you-tube

Amazing ad

Chennai tripping...

2007-03-25T12:42:00.001+05:30

Had been to Madras last weekend (extended by the Ugadi holiday). Read an IEEE paper on the way to and fro (woe the life of a PG student).
Those 3 days were heavenly though...Kanna picked me up in his car. Met his amma and paati after a long long time. So much has happened since I last met them.
Early Saturday morning we went to Besant Nagar beach...and I realized again how much I love the sea.
My first view of the Bay of Bengal. Lots of coffee(the best I have ever had...so much for coffee board). Quite a bit of food as Prasanna's family joined in the crusade to increase my weight.
A performance by Kanna's Sir ...heavenly.
2 by prasanna himself...excellent but marred by extrinsic events both.
Photos of the sea:
The first 2 I converted from color to grayscale for what I felt was "effect".

Laptopping

2007-03-25T12:37:00.000+05:30

This Wednesday i got my laptop.
Dell Inspiron 640m.
Intel Centrino Duo processor 1.6GHz
1 GB RAM
80 GB HDD
DVD writer.
Win XP and Fedora Core 6 installed on it.

It rocks!!

Can you keep your emotions in check?...

2007-03-11T12:14:00.000+05:30

You Have Your Emotions in Check

You are an incredibly stable and happy person.

Ever consider being a therapist?

You have figured out how to keep a positive outlook, no matter what.

You don't have an easier life than anyone else. You just have figured things out a little more.

Can You Keep Your Emotions in Check?

Founder's Day at IISc

2007-03-10T20:35:00.000+05:30

3rd of March was celebrated as Founder's Day being the 168th birthday of J.N.Tata.
The main building was decorated with an amazing flower decoration.
Here are some photos that I took in almost amateur fashion.
Had to run behind the butterflies and take pics at full zoom...so those pics might not be very good quality but then..."Bhavnaaon ko samjho"

Motivation...

2007-02-27T21:44:00.000+05:30

Found this on Sinu's laptop.
A very nice thought...something I remind myself everyday.
The source of my pain and my focus at the same time.
A really interesting,motivating thought.

SOMETIMES THERE IS NO NEXT TIME,
NO SECOND CHANCE,
NO TIME OUT.
SOMETIMES...IT IS NOW OR NEVER.

Carpe Diem...

2007-02-17T21:29:00.000+05:30

On my visits to Mumbai I have noticed one thing...I am out to make the most of every moment I get to stay in the place I proudly call HOME (ME MUMBAIKAR!!).
Be it talking to my mom till 2 am the night I land there or 3 visits to Shivaji Park in 16 hrs literally.

This last time I thought...Hell!! I should be living my entire bloody life like this. Making every moment count, having fun all the times I can. It also reminded me of the dialogue that precedes one of my favourite tunes, the Gateway Theme in Bluffmaster.

Tumhe aise kitne din yaad hain Roy,
pehla suit...pehli salary,
jab tumne ek ladki ko pehli baar chhua,pehli baar chooma,
.
.
.
jab pehli baar tumhaara dil dhadka Roy!!

CARPE DIEM BABY!!

As INERT as Radon...

2007-02-05T23:27:00.000+05:30

That's my gmail status right now.
About a tenth of the year is gone and apart from finding out about something called the Radon transform and adding more air-miles going to Bombay and coming back,I have achieved NOTHING.
(Also read: Radon)

Had an assignment about the properties of the Radon transforms and my mind went PHUT!!
Could not think anything...sat there blankly staring at the screen for about 10 min, that's when I thought of this status message.

What's wrong,I dunno...just lost it I guess.
Not just the mental sharpness but also atleast a bit of the Motivation I guess.
Just no enthu to work or figure these things out.
Thanks to Anoop, my labmate, without whom this assignment would not be completed.

Need to get out of this rut...get back on track.
No clue how to do that.
And I won't even react much.

interesting thought...

2007-01-16T10:58:00.000+05:30

Found this on a webpage about wavelet transforms...you never know what you will find where.

At the beginning of my journey, I was naive. I didn't yet know that answers vanish as one continues to travel, that there is only further complexity, that there are still more interrelationships, and more questions.

Robert D. Kaplan, The Ends of the Earth: a journey to the frountiers of anarchy, Vintage Press, 1996

When Genius Failed...

2007-01-07T22:07:00.000+05:30

The latest book I have read is titled "When Genius Failed" by Roger Lowenstein.

It is about the meteoric rise and equally spectacular fall of LONG TERM CAPITAL MANAGEMENT. A hedge fund by nature,it had on board star traders from Wall Street and Merton and Scholes(Nobel Laureates) whose work forms the basis of all modern finance.

With such a stellar cast and the backing of all the major banks on Wall Street LTCM had all the right credentials to make it big. Their trades were cold,calculated bets based on MATHEMATICS. Their behaviour in the good times brings only one word, repeated many times in the book, to mind:
HUBRIS!!

George Soros, in a lecture in IISc, said that ours is the age of fallibility.
Human beings tend to do irrational things. It is LTCM's inability to include this human factor in their trades that contributed greatly to their fall apart from their
(over)confidence in their "models".

All in all, a very good read though the Rs. 500/- price tag is a bit of a pinch on the pocket.

Looking forward to Hannibal Rising.

NUMB3RS

2007-01-07T00:41:00.000+05:30

This is my favourite TV series while I still watched TV(along with the Star Treks). In the pilot episode itself math is used to track a serial murderer.

Somewhere the assumptions go wrong and it all blows up in their face (only to be sorted out later ...obviously).
Was watching this episode as I waited for the clock to tick down pending my departure from home on 31st December.
Liked this dialogue between the Mathematician Charles Eppes and the physicist Larry Fleihnardt that I wrote it down.
CE : Larry something went wrong and I don't know what. Now it looks like I can't even think.
LF: Let me guess...you tried to solve a problem involving human behaviour and it blew up in your face.
.
.
.(will not bore you with the rest of it)
AND THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PART

LF : And Charlie, when you're dealing with human problems there's going to be pain and disappointment. You got to ask yourself IS IT WORTH IT?

Aired on November 12th,2005 on AXN in India.

Complimentary function

2006-12-24T22:56:00.000+05:30

While we may want to keep our feet firmly on the ground in the face of the sweetest,diabetes-inducing compliments...in my lonelier times I tend to reminisce the kind things people have said to me.
These are not necessarily when I have done really well...but each one of them touched my heart.
Sometimes these people did not even know how much they touched my heart.
The people shall not be named . Some of them know me, some think they know me and some really do know me.
1) July 26th,2K5.
On the famed Matunga Z-bridge. Having walked through waist deep water and being drenched to the bone I am contemplating the task I and a classmate just achieved and how to get home with minimum damage. I am,as sportspersons would put it, 'in the zone'. And she comes up with:
" Nissim, you look like a saint...absolutely expressionless".
I think of this as a compliment...dunno about you.

2) Semester 7. Assignments flying all around. DComm assignments being finished hurriedly.
I sit there, close my eyes and focus myself. A classmate comes up with:
" You look like you don't have any problems in life." NO COMMENTS!!

3) In a chat (probably online):
" That's why your eyes are so deep...there's a part of you thats out there for the world to see. Then there is an entire you hidden from the rest of the world."
Point taken and compliment too.

Still Falling over backwards

2006-12-18T10:19:00.000+05:30

Arjun Singh has his own way after all. The BILL is passed in LS. The peoples' representatives, representing the 27% 'majority', decided to give the go ahead to the reservations.
As promised in the previous post...here are some poignant statistics from Arun Shourie's book 'Falling over Backwards'.

KERALA Medical admissions:

CATEGORY RANK
General < 412
OBC < 1752,2653 for different 'grades(is it?)'
SC < 4409
ST < 14,426.
My only comment...WTF!!

Karnataka Medicine admissions:
CATEGORY RANK
General < 540
Reserved categories < 40,799 different categories of reservations.

A personal experience...engineering admissions 2001. I go to VJTI and find that general is one column and there are infinitely many reserved category columns.

SC, ST, OBC, VJ1(Vimukt Jaati), VJ2, VJ3, NT1(Nomadic tribes),NT2 and some other things also.

Jharkhand engineering admissions :
Reserved category candidate getting admission to engg...PCM score
P = 2/100, C = 1/100
Another one: 4/300.

GOVERNMENT SERVICES have had reservations for long:

In Delhi, a general category person joined in 1957. Everyone agrees he is fairly efficient and good at his work. Currently serving under a lady BORN in 1966. Promotion upon joining, superceding others on the basis of caste...leads to such gross injustice.

One final statistic: consider the people who joined the public electrical services in Karnataka in 1982-84 as Asst. Engineers.
General category engineers will not be promoted to the post of Executive Engineers till 2012-2014.
Reserved category engineers got the same in 1991-93.

Meera Kumar wants to implement reservation in private sector too.
Is this where we are going?

Sabka Katega

2006-11-07T19:18:00.000+05:30

Rediscovered this gem by bodhi tree (XLRI) recently.

SABKA KATEGA...

What brought us together might remain unspoken,
what held us together might be worn off and broken,
even if your way was different as I felt was mine,
now i want our paths to cross waiting for my time.

http://xlkikudiyan.blogspot.com

Different kind of mugging...

2006-10-31T23:16:00.000+05:30

We are all used to mugging for exams...and with the Matrix theory midsem on 31st Oct my Sunday was spent mugging for it and watching India waste an excellent start.
I left for IISc at about 7 pm...and experienced for the first time in my life...THE OTHER THING CALLED MUGGING.

As I walked to the bus stop...2 ppl accosted me and spoke in Kannada.
When I indicated that I did not know that language one of them asked me to follow him to "the Station". These ppl were obviously not policemen...so I refused.
Then he grabbed my neck and started pulling me with him as I pushed him away.
He then tried to strangle me and in this confusion we both fell into the gutter by the side of the road.

He apparently wanted my cell phone...I think the other fellow was afraid people might turn up and had already run away. This guy kept up his choking and clawed away at my face with his nails. I punched him a couple of times and pulled him away with his hair.

I will not claim I bashed him up but I did not let him beat me either. He finally managed to pull my Nokia 6030 phone out of my hands but as he was getting out of the gutter people has arrived on the scene. I grabbed his leg to not allow him to get away. The people caught him and I fairly easily convinced them that he was trying to steal my phone as opposed to his claim that I was stealing his phone.

Then came the most 'satisfying' part of the whole thing...seeing the bastard getting bashed up by the public. He lay motionless on the ground not responding to all the punches and kicks flying at him.
I was told to call the police...but by the time i met my aunt and got back to the place where people were holding him down ...the people had grown tired and left and so had that bastard.

I have bruises on my face and had to have an anti-tetanus injection...but satisfied that I did not give in to him.Maybe if I was better built none of this would have happened...I think he realized that " The size of the dog in the fight does not matter...what matters is the size of the FIGHT IN THE DOG."

The Brother summed it up in one sentence as he very often does..." Worried about you,but proud of you."

Status update

2006-10-14T21:19:00.000+05:30

This post might add an infinite amount of entropy to the Universe and I don't care...
it starts out to answer a question that a few people who 'sort of' know me have asked over the past couple of weeks.
It pertains to my status message in gmail and yahoo IMs which reads "How I wish ...how I wish you were here".
The answer my friends is blowing in my mind.

It starts in a lab in IISc...I am doing my Digital Image Processing assignment.
Strangely,the programs I write seem to be working. The weather outside is fine...bright sunshine yet not hot or humid.
If I want I could download some of my favourite songs from the net and listen.
I am enjoying myself...I am happy I am in IISc.
Life's Good.
I am about to tell myself
" ...what a wonderful world!".
Just then a thought crosses my mind.
It triggers a chain reaction of thoughts that end up in bleary eyes and an unspeakeable,immeasureable guilt.
Only one person in the world has said it to me in so many words...only one other person I have told in so many words about it.
Neither of them is with me right now.
Maybe one day I will come to terms with this...till then whether gmail says it or not
this is my status message.

That's all people...that's all.
It all is said in this one line:
" How I wish...how I wish you were here".

I've learnt that...

2006-10-02T23:27:00.000+05:30

Came across this blog a few months ago...and had posted it on the yahoo grp too.
It belongs to this girl called Meghana (http://virtualscribblings.blogspot.com).

I loved some of the 'claims' made in that post and I think I can add a few of my own.
I've learnt that...

...most of the stuff is all in my head and how I view it is my prerogative alone.

...there is no shame in tears, but you still don’t want the world to see your vulnerability.

...sometimes being alone helps you disentangle your intricacies, but you secretly wish there was a shoulder you could lean on.

...prayers don’t guarantee miracles, but they still heal certain wounds.
(expressly disagree...prayers dont help according to me)

...every emotion doesn’t need words for expression, you can feel someone's care through their eyes.

...unless you learn to be your own emotional anchor, you cannot be one to someone else and someone else cannot be one to you.

..at the end of the day it doesn’t do to sit and mull over what I’ve achieved coz there’s still a long long way to go.

...how the smallest of instances achieve significance and seem magnified in light of a few conversations and experiences.

...a lesson will be repeated again, till you’ve learnt it well enough.

...the only thing worse than a nightmare...is to wake up and realize that real life is even worse.

...you can have hundreds of friends on orkut and yahoo...and still feel unloved and unappreciated.
and that feeling goes away even if u talk to a friend for a min on the phone...or as in my case get a voicemail(thanks Gmail).

...one 'trivial' mistake can scar you for life.it cud be the difference between realizing your dreams and struggling all your life to do so. it cud be the difference between reaching Atlantis and having to remind yourself that another world,your Atlantis, exists.

...the only thing worse than failure is succeeding and not being able to share it with those to whom it would have meant so much.

...giving treats to friends and taking treats from them are gr8...but the best treats are the ones you give yourself.

...NIIT is wrong: Life begins at an IIT.
(NIIT says "Life begins at NIIT")

... Life's a chemical reaction...you break old bonds and form new ones for better stability...but it invariably adds to the confusion in the Universe.

The last and the best one:
"THERE IS NO SPOON"

HOW LOGICAL ARE YOU?

2006-09-26T21:19:00.001+05:30

Took this test on blogthings.com. Darn easy ...but still HAD TO SHOW OFF!!

You Are Incredibly Logical

Move over Spock - you're the new master of logic
You think rationally, clearly, and quickly.
A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer!

How Logical Are You?

Schumi...thanks for the memories

2006-09-10T19:35:00.000+05:30

A week ago it was Andre Agassi that bid the sports world a tearful goodbye. Today it is Michael Schumacher.Another one that makes me go into a chest thumping fist pumping frenzy.
With Schumi's imminent retirement...I have 2 less guys to root for desparately.
From Agassi I learnt that the craft was often more important than winning...Schumi thinks differently I guess. No one can put in efficient lap after efficient lap on the limit quite like him.
It is almost a privilege to see him racing...without him F1 is poorer. The initial wins at benetton in 94=95 followed by 4 frustrating second place finishes from 96-99.
Nobody really remembers those I think. i think he got injured in the 99 season but came back to try and help Eddie Irvine win over Hakkinen. It was damn close...and u cannot say schumi did not try. 90 Gp wins (and I hope he makes it a nice round 93)...an infinite number of records. What I remember is thinking that this man does not need a Ferrari to win...put him in a McLaren or any other car that does not cost him 2 seconds a lap and he will. The unbelievable will to win is what I will remember him for.
I don't really think it is necessary to be a very gracious loser...if u lost by all means BE SORE. It showed in Steffi...and it showed in Michael. Maybe it is a German trait.
Schumi's replacement at Ferrari Kimi (rhymes huh) is my second favourite driver right now...and come next F1 season he shall rule the roost.
All in all...
SCHUMI ...THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES!

Andre the Giant

2006-09-02T08:59:00.000+05:30

Very few people in this world have the capacity to make me go into a chest thumping,fist pumping frenzy...almost all of them are sportspersons.There was no shortage of this as I watched the highlights of Andre Agassi beating Baghdatis in a 4 hr THRILLER.
For as long as I know I have been an Agassi fan...fretted about it when he was ranked 150th and playing the Satellites, been extremely saddened every time he lost to Sampras...and celebrated every time he won.
I remember my father telling me he was one of the best players in the world in 1990 French Open. Long hair,flashy purple t shirt,cycling shorts and bermudas. He did not play Wimbledon till 1992...and the first time he played he won.
At age 36...4 years after Sampras played his last match(and he beat Agassi in that too) he is still running for the drop shots.
I will miss him once he retires...the pin point ground strokes, the unbelievable returns of serve,the 'aerodynamic' head and the unmistakeable waddle between points.
For as much as I want to...I know Agassi has very little chance of winning this time.
Maybe in a couple of years he will get bored sitting at home...then he and Steffi could play the mixed doubles...WHAT A TEAM THAT WOULD BE!!
After the 2002 semifinals in the US Open at the courtside interview he had said,
"With me and Pete it's going to be special...and this is NEW YORK BABY!"
Go Andre...it still is NEW YORK BABY!

Top 10 reasons for brain damage.

2006-09-01T20:34:00.000+05:30

This is a follow-up to the last article...taken off a forward on the school Yahoo group.

10 Biggest Brain Damaging Habits

1. No Breakfast (I have breakfast every single morning…I swear)
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration

2. Overeating (Hardly a problem with me)
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking (NO CHANCE!!)
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

4. High sugar consumption (I doubt it)
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development .

5. Air pollution (IISc is about as green as it should be)
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency

6. Sleep deprivation (8 hrs of sleep on average)
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping (I am guilty of this)
Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects

8. Working your brain during illness (Not working my brain at all)
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts (Can hardly complain of this in IISc…by the way what is meant by “stimulating thoughts”??)
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage

10. Talking rarely.(I participate in rather intellectual conversations I guess)
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain

Comfortably Dumb...

2006-08-27T16:59:00.000+05:30

BRAIN CELLS ATROPHY!!!
I am living proof of that. It is not the anaesthesia anymore. Its been about 4 months since I used MATLAB with any real aim. In the meanwhile there have been exams,vivas,interviews,farewells, decisions...the one thing lacking is any intellectual activity for about 2 and a half months since IISc interviews.
I had an assignment to do...an image processing assignment in MATLAB.
I found I had forgotten the basics of MATLAB programming. Even things I could have done fairly easily 6 months ago as I prepared for the GATE I find I cannot anymore.

Simple mathematics takes a while to go in...vector spaces seem unbelievably tough. At the same time,in the same class are people who are also learning it for the first time ... they can deal with these things much more easily.
It is a scary thought that at the age of 23 I am getting OLD .
Need some brain exercise.
Off I go after this rant...
I HAVE BECOME COMFORTABLY DUMB.

Of boils and Local anaesthesia...

2006-08-25T20:52:00.000+05:30

Last sunday I woke up with a small boil on my throat...no reason for it to appear...but also no reason for any alarm.As boils have the propensity of doing...it opened while I was taking a bath [ now u know why we shud avoid taking them ;) ].
With due neglect from me during the course of the week it took the form of a nice shiny red volcano with a white head that hurt and itched at the same time.
I went to a doctor (for a non-trivial reason I am highly inclined not to visit a doctor)...the neglect over the week meant I had to have a small surgery of sorts to drain it. This meant I wud get local anaesthesia. My aunt who had accompanied me could not bear to watch.
I watched as the nurse (nowhere as cute as I would have liked ) pricked my arm and gave me a test shot of local anaesthesia to make sure I had no allergies to it.
I also had to give a blood sample for a blood sugar test (imagine 20 kg underweight and having high sugar...WHAT ARE THE CHANCES DUDE!!??).
Then the real deal. The doc asked me if it hurt when he pressed the boil and when I said no even considered doing the whole thing without anaesthesia. But he decided against it. The needle that gave me that LA was the only one I did not see...it was also the only one that hurt a bit but again no need for any alarms.This was followed by a 'brute force' draining of the boil which yielded a lot of pus. The doc then bandaged me and chose to make it so tight that even drinking water had become a tough job.
Had to go back to get the bandage changed coz it did bleed a little inside the bandage.
I learnt some things from the experience:
1) I am not afraid of needles or surgical procedures.
2) I can go to a doctor iff really really needed.
3) My blood sugar levels are perfect 103mg/dl when the range is 70-135 (dot in the middle).
4) Local anaesthesia does not affect any other senses ...so off I am to try my DIP assignment number 2.
Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: Comfortably Numb

A thought...

2006-08-18T23:43:00.000+05:30

I had seen this on TV (ESPN Star I think) right after Bangladesh had won their first test match...

" VICTORY IS SWEETEST WHEN YOU'VE KNOWN DEFEAT".

It's not about the Bike

2006-08-18T23:17:00.000+05:30

I have read and reread this most riveting (auto)biography of 6 time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong...everytime I read it it moves me, it shakes me up and makes me want to achieve something.
Last October I read it in one sitting...it was that rivetting.
A testament to what grit and determination can achieve.
Armstrong says it was anger that drove him atleast in the initial part of his career...in my case I guess it is pain that drives me.
The title of the book says it all...
"IT IS NOT ABOUT THE BIKE"...(it never is) .
I went up and down with every event...from the agony of the illness to the exhilaration of the victories. I was almost in tears at a couple of places ...not when he describes the treatment
but when he describes the victories.
A book I would recommend to everyone...

BANGALORED...

2006-07-29T12:12:00.000+05:30

I am in a lab in IISc. The bitter truths about life alone are hitting home. Have to take care of so many things you usually take for granted.I only have a temporary I card and no login ID. So cannot surf on my own account.
The campus is beautiful ...the staff is fairly good natured. They were still smiling at us even 12 hrs into their registration duties. There seems to be a lot of space and resources are almost overflowing.
Might not post for a while as I get used to the way things work around here.

Goodbye Blue Sky

2006-07-26T10:17:00.000+05:30

I leave Mumbai today...it is tough to leave the city you have grown so accustomed to. I am sure I will miss the local trains and the crowded BEST buses.

A year ago I walked through waist-high water ...today it is generally sunny with cloudy spells.
This is what I feel ...and with the background of the July 11th bombings it fits too.

Goodbye Blue Sky (Waters) 2:48
"Look mummy, there's an aeroplane up in the sky"

Did you see the frightened ones?
Did you hear the falling bombs?
Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue sky?

Did you see the frightened ones?
Did you hear the falling bombs?
The flames are all gone, but the pain lingers on.
Goodbye, blue sky
Goodbye, blue sky.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
"The 11:15 from Newcastle is now approaching"
"The 11:18 arrival...."
(Cud have been the 6.28 to Virar).

About a girl...

2006-07-15T00:24:00.000+05:30

I am not really into reading other peoples’ blogs…never unless they ask me to or have put it up to be seen easily.
One blog that I came across, that falls in the second category is
http://generallyerratic.blogspot.com/

It is the blog of an 18 year old girl living in Mumbai.
I came across it on her orkut page and I shall refrain from divulging other details.
One of the first blogs of hers that I read was one on Silence and it touched me.
This was a young girl who knew what she wanted ( atleast academically) and knew how hard she would have to work for it.She was ready to make the sacrifices it needed.
Something I rarely see in people of our generation.

She has a nice collection of articles on her blog and I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in reading intelligent writing that still ‘smells like teen spirit’

And another link I got from her blog…reproduced here for the benefit of those who will not care to try the above link:
http://www.dailyafflictions.com/affliction1.html
Something called the Church of Skeptical Mysticism…but really interesting thoughts.
I hope the blogosphere (or whatever it is called!) abounds with such intelligent, mature young people.

Proud to be an Indian??

2006-07-09T00:19:00.000+05:30

Recently received an email titled “Proud to be an Indian”…it is not that I am not a proud Indian. The reasons given for us to be proud Indians were just not convincing enough. Just that these reasons are exactly the wrong ones to put forward...I am proud to be an Indian,just that these are not the reasons why.

Here are some of them
FACTS TO MAKE EVERY Indian PROUD (could be fairly dated as well)

Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard (HP) ?
A. Rajiv Gupta

Q. Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no introduction as 90% of the today's computers run on it)?
A. Vinod Dahm

Q. Who is the third richest man on the world?
A. According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is Azim Premji, who is the CEO of Wipro Industries. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6 ^th position now. (For a couple of weeks I guess when Wipro stock went thru the roof)

Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail is world's No.1 web based email program)?
A. Sabeer Bhatia

Q. Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such as C, C++, Unix to name a few)?
A. Arun Netravalli

Q. Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) of Windows 2000, responsible to iron out all initial problems?
A. Sanjay Tejwrika

Q. Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey & Stanchart?
A. Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.

Q. We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than the whites and the natives.
There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA (1.5% of population). YET,
38% of doctors in USA are Indians.
12% scientists in USA are Indians.
36% of NASA scientists are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are Indians.

Apart from the 3^rd question answer I see no reason for India to be proud…these are its sons who have gone abroad (mostly US of A) and achieved what they have.

And Azim Premji has made a fortune by providing cheap, qualified labour to the Americans( nothing wrong in that I think).
Anywhere you read they claim the following Nobel Prize as India’s but I dispute them:

Plz correct me if I have got my facts wrong.

S Chandrashekhar : Nobel for Physics 1983.

He served on the University of Chicago faculty from 1937 until his death in 1995 at the age of 84. He became a naturalized citizen of the United States in 1953.

Hargobind Khurana: Nobel for Medicine 1968

In 1945, he began studies at the University of Liverpool. After earning a Ph. D. in 1948, he continued his postdoctoral studies in Zürich (1948-49). Subsequently, he spent two years at Cambridge and his interests in proteins and nucleic acids took root that time. In 1952 he went to the University of British Columbia, Vancouver and in 1960 moved to the University of Wisconsin. He became the Alfred Sloan Professor of Biology and Chemistry at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology where he continues to work.

Amartya Sen: Nobel for Economics 1998

Worked all his life in England.

All those numbers about doctors in the US and NASA scientists…why should they make an Indian proud? These people have left their country to work in a foreign one.
I intend to do something similar too.

The question arises : why do these extraordinarily talented men and women leave India and work abroad?

I would like to believe it is not just the lure of the lucre.

The work conditions abroad are unfair but probably better that India even then. There is better chance of recognition…there is less red tapism. Nobody assumes a right to anything by birth.

Talent and/or hard work have a better chance of paying off in the US than India.

When these men and women choose to return to India or not go at all…that is when we should be proud to be Indian for these reasons.

A PROUD INDIAN nonetheless.

Mind Chow

2006-06-30T19:24:00.000+05:30

One of the better parts of the Mumbai Mirror supplement...apart from its 'most read' section is a little corner on the page with the crossword called Mind Chow.
The thought for today:
"SILENCE IS ONE OF THE HARDEST ARGUMENTS TO REFUTE"

Very nice.

Tenet Nosce...know thyself.

2006-06-19T13:18:00.000+05:30

Life, it seems to me, is a series of choices. Constantly we have to make choices and decisions…and the quality of our lives and often the direction it takes is decided by the quality of the decisions we make.

As Neo rightly guessed in the Matrix Reloaded, “ Choice. The problem is choice.”.
I have been faced with choices, often life-changing ones, and had to make the decisions by myself. Most people would prefer to leave the decision in someone else’s hands or postpone it until the decision matters no more or their hands are tied and they are forced to choose one over the other.

I failed to get into IIT through the JEE and even the GATE rank I got first time around was not enough to get me a direct admit. I kept studying , kept obsessing about it and attained Nirvana on the 29th of April this year when before I went in for a viva my mom informed me I had got a direct admit from IITM. I had been called gateguru, my hobbies apparently were limited to studying for the GATE. I even faced accusations that I judged people by their AIRs. It was a choice I had made…why?...I don’t know…it was almost an automatic one.
Maybe this exchange between Neo and Agent Smith at the end of Matrix Revolutions will shed some light…I think it is the most important exchange between them in the trilogy…I could identify with the dialogue personally.

Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?

Neo: BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO.

The last line I think is the most significant …because I choose to.
To be able to make these choices there is need for introspection, often self-appraisal…a need to ask yourself…How good am I ? What do I really want?
Once that is done…I suppose the choices become easier to make…often automatic.
This passage from the Foutainhead is one of my favourites,one between Peter Keating and Howard Roark…
"If you want my advice, Peter," he said at last, "you’ve made a mistake already.
By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don’t you
know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?"
"You see, that’s what I admire about you, Howard. You always know."
"Drop the compliments."
"But I mean it. How do you always manage to decide?"
"How can you let others decide for you?"
"But you see, I’m not sure, Howard. I’m never sure of myself. I don’t know
whether I’m as good as they all tell me I am. I wouldn’t admit that to anyone
but you. I think it’s because you’re always so sure that I..."

Atlantis

2006-06-16T00:37:00.000+05:30

Ayn Rand is one author that has influenced me a lot since I have been reading her work...in fact The Fountainhead is probably the first fiction work I have read must be December 2003. Around the time of sem 3 exam. Since then it has been a tradition to end up reading rand longer than engg textbooks in the PL.
Atlas Shrugged is a rivetting story which is similar to the conditions prevailing today as has been pointed out in a previous post. Here is a passage from this book which I always keep on my desktop ...it tells you not to lose hope...to let go of the unjust punishments that we might be subjecting ourselves to. Studying for BE exams often seemed like self inflicted punishment and this passage often gave me hope of a better tomorrow and of finding myself in Atlantis.

"If you fail, as men have failed in their quest for a vision that should have been possible, yet has remained forever beyond their reach—if, like them, you come to think that one's highest values are not to be attained and one's greatest vision is not to be made real— don't damn this earth, as they did, don't damn existence. You have seen the Atlantis they were seeking, it is here, it exists—but one must enter it naked and alone, with no rags from the falsehoods of centuries, with the purest clarity of mind—not an innocent heart, but that which is much rarer: an intransigent mind—as one's only possession and key. You will not enter it until you learn that you do not need to convince or to conquer the world. When you learn it, you will see that through all the years of your struggle, nothing had barred you from Atlantis and there were no chains to hold you, except the chains you were willing to wear. Through all those years, that which you most wished to win was waiting for you"—he looked at her as if he were speaking to the unspoken words in her mind—"waiting as unremittingly as you were fighting, as passionately, as desperately—but with a greater certainty than yours. Go out to continue your struggle. Go on carrying unchosen burdens, taking undeserved punishment and believing that justice can be served by the offer of your own spirit to the most unjust of tortures. But in your worst and darkest moments, remember that you have seen another kind of world. Remember that you can reach it whenever you choose to see. Remember that it will be waiting and that it's real, it's possible—it's yours."
- John Galt to Dagny Taggart,Atlas Shrugged.

Consider these above words carefully...and ask yourself,"Is what I am undergoing worth the effort and the pain?". I did...and I found my answer. You find yours.

System Restore...

2006-06-14T11:54:00.000+05:30

I went to VJTI on 12th May to submit a form for my brother. Stood in the same serpentine queue that I stood in 5 years ago. I listened to the music being dished out on FM...and almost by coincidence, they were playing a lot of songs from 5 years ago.
DCH,Pyaar tune kya kiya and Lagaan ruled the roost.

I wondered what happened in the intervening 5 years... would I like to restore the conditions to as they were 5 years ago. System restore ,Bill Gates will have us believe,is a very useful feature in Windows XP. Maybe.
Could,or rather would, I want to restore the conditions that prevailed then? Or rather would I change the way things had shaped out in these years?

I had good PCM score,and since then my engg marks have spiralled downwards a la Fermat's method of infinite descent.
I had a tight knit group of great friends,an amazing collection of people,who in collective talent were second to no other collection of people.
I had flunked my first attempt at the JEE,but had great hopes and aspirations for my second attempt at it.
There was HOPE.

There were things I had not seen, that I have seen in these years...and experiences taken that will last a lifetime.
I lost my innocence, my photographs used to have a boyish charm...now they look world weary...as if I know the world is against me.
My smile has probably lost its freshness,though probably through overuse. I smile at everything these days(apparently)...whether I am sad or happy,enlightened or confused.
As some wise man said,"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want". Perfectly right.

These experiences, however painful, enriched me as a person. I might smile at everything but it takes a lot to make me lose my temper.
It helps as an engineering student, in the stressful moments that it causes in the lives of all of us, to remind yourself that you have been through worse.

In these 5 years, I gave up on God as an agent of the good. I don't pray except to keep someone's heart...God does not matter to me...the people I love DO. And I don’t really pray to Him…just show as if I am.

In these 5 years I spent hours upon hours questioning my ability and found that I wasn't lacking in much. I also realized that I need to prioritize my efforts. A friend had put it as "Learn to value your efforts"...are they giving you back as much as they take away from you? Is it of as much value to you as the effort it demands?
I learnt from Norbert Wiener that "If you compete with slaves, you become a slave".

In these five years I started reading fiction, Rand and Thomas Harris being the first.
I read self help books, even Christian drivel like Tough Times don't last, Tough people do. I read that and at the other end of the spectrum in the same genre I read Tuesdays with Morrie.

I found a few friends that I want to hold on to for the rest of my life. They made me realize I was only making my life worse by not letting go. I had become too much of a control freak...repressing my emotions so as not to impede my ambitions.
They let me talk to them as no one else had cared to...and I opened my heart to them as I had never cared to open to anyone else, in one case almost unknowingly.

I met people...I learnt about human behaviour. I learnt that people are not always rational ...and that only in that rarest of cases is the irrational the right way to go. My family will remember me as a hot headed, tantrum throwing kid...my friends think of me as someone who never loses his cool. Yes I have calmed down over the years...and I have also learnt to hide my emotions. So you never know how angry I am.
As a song in The MATRIX OST says I am "Calm like a Bomb".
All this happened in these 5 years.
Maybe I should start Cafe 5 years ...since A lot can happen over 5 years.

So do I want a system restore?
If one thing is allowed, absolutely...without batting an eyelid.
If that is beyond my control then I am undecided...yes life would be a lot easier (probably) but all these lessons would be lost.

So I look forward to the future, one that promises so much...happiness and undoubtedly pain as well.But then
...I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

THE WALL remixed

2006-05-27T16:28:00.000+05:30

PINK FLOYD WORDS remixed ...

We don't need no reservations
We don't need no caste control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Leaders leave the kids alone.
Hey, leaders leave the kids alone!
All in all you're just another prick in the (Parliament) Hall

Reservations about reservations...

2006-05-24T19:26:00.000+05:30

The UPA government is going ahead with the proposed reservations.As in a previous post...they don't really care about us ( copyright MJ). No matter how much we scream and shout it won't be of much use I guess. As I think about it,the words a friend had put up on his orkut page come to my mind. Here they are courtesy Alistair Maclean via Pratik Gupta.

Beyond anger lies fury, the heedless, ungovernable rage of the berserker, and beyond that again, a long, long step beyond the boundary of madness, lies the region of cold and utterly uncaring indifference.
When a man enters that region, as few ever do, he is no longer himself, he is a man beside himself, a man without all his normal codes and standards of feeling and thought and emotions, a man for whom words like fear and danger and suffering are words that belong to another world and whose meaning he no longer can comprehend.

Alistair MacLean.

Are we there yet...I don't know...but we surely are getting there. That is what this country and its leaders need to guard against. Youngster after disgruntled youngster,who could have done so much,should not be leaving the country for not just greener but fairer pastures.

The more I think about the current fracas the more it reminds me of the situation of Atlas Shrugged,where driven by the unfair and unjust Directive 289 John Galt and the men of the mind go on a strike. If the most promising and productive people of the country suddenly decide that they will not contribute in any way to the prosperity of that country...it will be hell on earth. That is what this thing is doing to me.

Why should I contribute to the well being of a nation that will take the product of my work and distribute it to those who claim their right to it by their sheer inability to achieve it on their own?
Why should achieving something be made increasingly difficult for some and increasingly easier for others?
It is only when their crutches are taken away that they will know they can run too.

You cannot catch enough fish to feed them all everyday,so you might as well teach them to fish.
I am not against helping anyone to be as well equipped to face life(or exams in this case) as they can but then once you are at an examination there should be no reservations.
This is nothing unnatural...in fact it is the first and foremost of Nature's Laws:
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
And Newton's Law tells us what will happen if we do not heed this law of Nature.
EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION.

Wish you were here...

2006-05-23T00:33:00.000+05:30

The night of May 19th brought with it the news that I had been selected for M Tech in Communications at IIT Bombay with Teaching Assistanship. I was elated...had I been a footballer I would have come up with some novel celebration like a toss of my graduating hat.
The question of to B or not to B was solved once and for all and it had an affirmative answer.

But there seems to be a sense of incompleteness...one that Godel for all his skill would not be able to describe using mathematics. Only ONE person in the entire world could sense this and have the sense to talk to me about it.

I have always found it tough to express my emotions and this is why I have to take recourse to the lyrics of a little known Bangalore based fusion rock(or whatever!) band called Antaragni. They say everything I have to say about this one thing that I do not talk about(except to very few people).

Had heard them at Mood Indigo 2003 and liked their music and this song in particular.
The song itself is well made and sounds much better when heard than just reading the lyrics.

Here I present those lyrics which are so close to my heart:

Dark clouds gather in the sky
and the wind is blowing across the land
evening birds hurry back to their homes
but I bend down to tie my shoes
...because I've got to go

Words you said occur in my ears
and I try so hard to hold back my tears
but I still go on and on
across the mountains of memories
Wish you were here.

I wait with my eyes open for a sound
its down on me but then you were gone
but I still carry on
across the mountains of memories
Wish you were here

Caste away

2006-05-15T21:00:00.000+05:30

With all this talk of reservations and the predicted and perfectly appropriate brain drain...I am left thinking that my status in this country and its state of affairs is that of a Caste-away.
As I watched in horror the future doctors of the country,people my age, getting brutally thrashed I got the distinct feeling that I and people like me did not matter anymore. We form the minority I guess, but then we are not a religious minority, are we?
I debated with myself,and later with a friend whether the President could have done something about it...he could have returned the Bill(as far as I remember Civics...he can).
Even a year ago,I was horrified to find that while my AIR 194 would not get me IITM Communication M Tech...AIR 2000 odd could...he has an extra piece of paper (called the caste certificate) you see.

The TV showed pictures of the youth in Bangalore on the streets...and just for a moment a placard caught my eye:
" WE DREAM...WE WORK...THEY GET IT BY BIRTH"...well said my friend.

I guess the machinery is already rolling...the Constitution has been amended...and there is very little we can do except buy some time...time to drive some sense into the heads of the politicos.
The IITs were called the Iyer Iyengar institutes of Technology...but then we had no choice...the reservations were already so high (especially in TN i guess) that to get decent engineering education you had to get into an IIT.
If this move goes through the IITs and IIMs,the islands of excellence in this unending sea of mediocrity, will drown too...an Atlantis many of us will seek and never find.
The Govt suggests raising the number of seats in the IITs..but do u have the funds to do so? It spends Rs. 1.5 lakh per student per annum...imagine what the extra load will be on the economy. And who will foot the bill...people like us,who stay here and create wealth...not grab undeserved seats and then run away.

If this Bill goes through,it will cause much anguish to my brother and infinitely many others like him.And what will I do...go away from India( after an MTech that I worked my backside off for...not worked a piece of paper for) and send US dollars to my family so that my money won't fund the education of these undeserving b#$%rds.

In one line...the upper castes need 50% reservation too...after all we are
OBC - OPPRESSED BRAHMIN CASTES.

The Beginning

2006-05-15T20:52:00.000+05:30

This appeared in the TOI on 11th May and I thought it was very pertinent to the way our lives are.
Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.
- Tom Friedman.
This blog is intended to be an expression of what i am thinking on that particular day...since I am not very creative with words it will often have other people's words ...of course for intellectual integrity the source will be acknowledged wherever known.