Change, anyone?

Change apparently is the only constant in life.
I somehow disagree. Look at the basic question in my life.

1995-96: To B or not to B?

1997-98: To B or not to B?

2000-01: To B or not to B?

2001-02: To B or not to B?

2004-05: To B or not to B?

2005-06: To B or not to B?

In between it varied a little to : To B or to B?
or to : To BE or not to BE?

2006-07: To B or not to B?

2007-08: To B or not to B?

The B's change...the question still remains.

Breathe...

Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down, its time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race toward an early grave.

Why do these words scare me everytime I hear them?
Why does my life seem like these words were written to describe it?
When is Enough well and truly ENOUGH?

Love in the form of Venn Diagram...CATegory theory

By the way who or what is Vanilla ice?
Will this lead to a CATaclysmic CATastrophe?
Hope not.

Interesting link (nerd alert level 5): http://xkcd.com/

PI is not equal to 3.1415926535....

Your head is spinning,
your heart is beating so hard it makes your head rock,
the guy who went in to your panel first comes out disoriented,
they ask radioactivity and SIDBI and flipflops and the migration of Jews to India and
poetry and Fundamental rights,
.
.
.
you take deep breaths and curse yourself for not revising these things,
you remind yourself that this is not Life and Death,
... but then what the hell ,
THESE ARE THE IIM INTERVIEWS.
And the cycle begins again.

Home,home again...

"Let's go home" he said and she was confused. What would she tell all those people she was responsible to. "Lets go home" he told her again...and she agreed. Together they flew to the place he called home. It was the best time he had had on a flight...and he had taken many.

They roamed the streets, unaware of anything else, blissfully lost in the experience of being with each other.He showed her around though she had seen it all. He was never so proud of the place he belonged to as when he was showing it to her. He saw the smile on her face, that innocent, beautiful smile which showed how much she loved him and was loving being with him.

His home had never seemed so beautiful to him as when he saw her eyes being laid on it.
He was reminded of the beautiful last line of a long forgotten poem.
"... where your heart finds peace, call it home."

Flight report

The flight report read:

35000 feet in the air,
830 km per hour,
An hour long walk in the clouds,
Missed you like hell,
Wished you were with me.

The Dark Side of the Moon

NO...this is not another depressing post...in a way it is but not really.
This will depress every Bangalorean, my well-wisher or not.

The roads in Bangalore are a mess...its more like a little bit of road to sort of bridge the potholes.
Most roads are also not very well lit.
A rickshaw ride through these roads is not essentially different from a ride on a moon-buggy.
Bone-jarring, intestine-injuring rides.
Then something happened yesterday that shook me in my entirety...more on it here.

The papers screamed that a crane, in trying to avoid a pothole, ended up killing a woman.
Scary!! Very scary.

Maybe the potholes will be filled...maybe we have to wait for a new government for it.

But till then if you are coming to Bangalore (the IT capital of the country...IT = irritating Traffic)

Welcome to the Dark Side of the Moon.

Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isnt that the way
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

What the hell!!!!!!!!

This is Chetana's blog on emotional quotient

Took the emotional quotient test from that link:
Plz visit the above link.

This is my result:

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Confessions of a Mama's Boy

You can fool all of the people some of the time,
You can fool some of the people all of the time,

...BUT,
YOU CANNOT FOOL MOM!!

Way back into love...

Chetana sent me this really nice song from Music and Lyrics.
Ppl around me seem to be breaking up left, right and center...the ones that aren't breaking up are cynical and wary of the concept of love itself...they say its a sure way to hurt yourself.

Here are the lyrics...Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant singing.

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!


Here's hoping people find their ways back into love and into hope.

Finding Neverland

Previously this post would have been titled "Coming Back to Life"...but there have been a few of those. The ones that fool you into believing you're back and then its back to the pits.

Recently life seems to be looking up...the slope is positive and the double derivative is positive and greater than 1 too.
Atleast it isnt the decomposing, sitting-doing-nothing kind of life. Stuff seems to be moving, there is a lot to do and little time to do it in. Better than little to do and lots of time I think.
The general outlook towards life seems to be improving...seem to laugh a lot more these days.
The spring in the step is back,
and more importantly a spark in the eye, which I thought I had lost is back.
Wonder what CATalyzed the CATharsis.

Is it time I find neverland...that promised land where dreams come true?

A Room with a View...

Took these photos from my hostel room on Monday evening...
This time no converting to black and white...the magic is in the colours.

Sunscreen song

Chetana gave me this wonderful video....here are the lyrics.
Google for the Sunscreen song...you might find the mp3 somewhere.
Wonderful advice

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97

Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, ............
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis
more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power
and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind,
the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees.

You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.

Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body.

Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,

someday a spirit will take you and guide you there

I know that you're hurting but i've been waiting there for you

and I'll be there just helping you out

whenever I can"

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle,
because the older you get, the more you need the people
who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old.

And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young,
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble,
and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse.
But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,

someday a spirit will take you and guide you there

I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you

and I'll be there just helping you out

whenever I can

everybody's free

everybody's free

to feel good"

Social Not-working

First there was Orkut...
Then a slew of others.
Apparently to keep in touch with old/long-lost friends.
Apparently to 'make' new friends.
Then the Brazilians and Despos took over orkut...there were infinite posts in Portuguese and as many 'fraandship' requests.
Lately there have been cases of identity thefts.

People like me got on to the bandwagon for its novelty...that has definitely worn off.
What is the use of having 500 friends if u can't really find one to speak to when you really are alone?
What is the use of having 500 'friends' when 5 really good ones should sufffice?
Bye bye Orkut and its ilk.

A fleeting glimpse...

There is an image from my Mumbai visit in June end that has endured in my mind. I was walking with my mom to Shivaji park I think when we passed a boy returning home from school. He wasn’t the cutest kid …but something about him caught my fancy.

It was drizzling and he had a raincoat on with a hood. He was carrying a school bag and had a water bottle around his neck.

What caught my attention was that he had his face turned towards the drizzle. The eyes were tightly shut and there was an innocent joy on his face, looked like he hadn’t a care in the world…I tried to remember when I had done something so simple so spontaneously last. I dearly wished I had a camera with me to capture that moment forever.

The joy on his face was indescribable…I have forgotten what such simple joy is and can’t find the words to describe it.

Maybe this is what PF were hinting at when they sang

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse

out of the corner of my eyes…

He was having his glimpse of joy, a simple , guileless joy…let’s hope it is not a fleeting one.

R.I.P my friend

I was shaken out of the stupor that studying stochastic processes generates by the loud crying of some girl near my hostel. As I looked out from my balcony it turned out to be someone I knew.
She was mourning the death of one of her batchmates,Ajay, who committed suicide probably in the early hours of the morning of 27th August.
I must have seen this guy in the mess, though I never probably personally met him.
The reasons are as yet unknown (atleast to me), but the general feeling is there was too much pressure in his course.
He was an Integrated PhD student in his 2nd year, he joined IISc with me last year.
He must have been barely 21-22...did he find himself unable to resist the pressure?
It is said "No pressure, no diamonds" but what about the 'corundum' that might just be crushed under the pressure that is meant for only diamonds? Is it not equally precious?
Was there some other reason? We don't know, and we might never know.
Whatever the reasons the question remains:
WAS IT WORTH KILLING HIMSELF OVER IT?

Maybe he found what he longed for:
A little rest and some peace.

The solutions may not necessarily be very forthcoming.
A lot of soul-searching needs to be done...by every one of us.
The course load on the students could be reduced, a student mentor program could be started.
But really was it worth the one, very precious, very promising life that was lost.

And this is not the first time someone in one of India's 'premier' institutions has taken this drastic step.
As Bob Dylan asks :
n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?

Maybe this song by REM could tell us something:
EVERYBODY HURTS.
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Friendship Day...

Making a friend is not a miracle.
the miracle is making a friend who will stand by you when a million are against you.


One of the many Friendship Day smses I got.

I had fun too...went to Domino's ...ALONE!!
So much for Friendship Day.

A year

A year ago I flew to bangalore to join IISc.
Full of hope yet pained to leave loved ones and the city I love so much.
A year ago I wrote Goodbye Blue Sky...in tribute to what I was leaving behind.

In this year some of my dreams were fulfilled, some remain yet unfulfilled and some crushed.
A year of growth, of hope, despair, frustration,excitement.

As is my common comment
so much has changed...yet so much remains the same.

Lesson for LIFE

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
- Napoleon Bonaparte